Meeting with the missionary

December 2, 2012


   Today we met with our missionary who lives in Uganda, He was in the states and we were able to meet him. He has been in Uganda with his family for almost 7 years! Wow!!

  There was a lot of information about Africa and Uganda that I had not known. The unemployment rate is 60% or more. Most of Kampala's population are young kids (under 18.) They usually don't have parents and they don't have jobs. So they wonder around trying to figure out where to get the next meal. Its just heartbreaking. How does someone have hope in a place like this? I am not detoured from going I am just nervous. I'm still walking in faith.

For we live by believing and not by seeing. 2 Corinthians 5:7 (NLT)

I saw this as I was googling walk by faith and I think it is exactly what I'm learning...

To walk by faith, is to live in the confident expectation of things that are to come; in the belief of the existence of unseen realities; and suffering them to influence us as if they were seen.

To walk by sight or by the things that are seen. Is to live for wealth, honor, splendor, praise, for the objects which this world can furnish. It is to live how society wants you to live.

To walk in sight is me questioning if I could raise all the funds for this trip. I see that in society you save and work for vacations you don't ask people for help unless your homeless. My sight or I call it my brain questions where the money is going to come from. My faith says, "QUIET" God is in charge it will work out and you will have another story about how wonderful God is.

My sight tells me I'm not good enough my faith is saying, "QUIET" I expect that I am good enough because I know this trip is my path. What I'm surprised about is that I am having to tell my sight to quiet down a lot more then I thought I would.

A bible story that comes to mind is a bit more dramatic then what I'm going through but the principal is the same. Its Moses, he has talked to the Pharaoh and convinced him to free his people (Hebrews from Egypt). Pharaoh (after many plagues) finally agrees to free the Hebrews only to change his mind and send his army after them. Moses is leading the Hebrew people and they hit the Red Sea. They know the army is behind them ready to take them back and in front of them is a huge sea. God tells moses to raise his staff and the sea parts.

Here is the faith part. If I where Moses I would look at the sea and tell my people to start to find things that float as I was praying to God asking him why? or What do I do? If I did hear God and he tells me to lift a piece of wood (the staff) I would falter. I would start to walk by sight, I would look at the many faces behind me and have a "conversation" with God willing him to ask me to do something else (that made sense to me) or ask God to show me a sign that I heard him correctly. My first reaction would not be to just lift my staff in faith.

Here is the deal, you cant make deals with God. God asked Moses to lift is staff. Moses was probably doubting that lifting a stick would help but did he stop and have a "conversation" with God? No, he stepped in faith. He knew how God had gotten the Hebrews out of Egypt so he lifts a piece of wood and because he obeyed God shows His power and parts the sea. God saves the people not Moses. God wants to make sure you know that He is the power not you.

 I feel like I have to explain something- I think sometimes its OK to ask questions, to ask God to open or shut a door if you are uncertain. BUT once God has opened doors once you have received your sign STOP asking questions. Will God get mad and take things away? In short, God has more love and Grace for us then we can fathom. But God asks us and tells us to walk by faith. If we try to walk by sight we will fail, I'm sure at the very least if you walk by sight with the things God has shown you he will take His mercy away or send you through a valley to teach you to lean on him.

Like moses I have seen God work and free many things about this trip (as mentioned in the other posts) so I know that I am walking on the path He wants me to be on. My job now it to obey and do what God asks even if my brain tells me it's stupid or wont work. Even if my brain tells me I'm not the one who needs to go on that trip. I am working on lifting that staff when God asks the first time.

Its not easy, my first reaction is to walk by sight. But I have a feeling if I can get "this" (meaning walking by faith) and to obey the first time that huge things are going to happen on this trip.

As I'm writing this I cant stop thinking about my kids. How many times to I ask them to listen the first time? Too many to count. How frustrated do I get with them when they don't listen? Sometimes, especially in the morning, I get very frustrated. Again, I am thankful for Gods grace and I ask that I have extra grace for my kids.

I have an Idea

November 28


Uganda's My Mission,


  My mission is to get to Kampala, Uganda and to do that the only thing in my way is the money for the plane tickets. ($1673.44) I have until February 26th.

I do have another $727.56 to come up with for hotel and other in country costs but that has me less worried. I can raise that money on my own cupcake selling, photo taking, saving my Christmas and birthday money abilities. (probably)

My new idea stemmed from the meeting. They talked about sending out mission letters. As I said earlier in this blog, the leader of this trip went on mainly donations and it was from the mission letters. My problem there wasn't enough room on one page to tell the true story of why I am going on this trip.

I wrote a letter that looks more like a news letter. My idea was to have important information on the sides and the story in the middle. I liked how it looked and it was nearly done so I asked my mom to read it and tell me what she thought. Her first reaction is that I had left a lot of the journey out. I remind her that there is only so much room. I also say once the letters are out I will post that I am going to Africa on facebook and they can get more information there.

I am then reminded about one of the members of the trip saying her friend had something from paypal that people could go to and pay right away. I started to look into it thinking I could put it on my facebook page. I found what they called a widget and it was neat. It gave you a goal and you can keep track of who donated and how much you have left to collect. I make the widget and then realize its for a blog.

I remember my friend Hillary who started writing a blog on her adventures in Alaska. It's like sitting next to her and talking to her. I thought I could do that. I googled blog the first one that popped up was blogger.com and I started writing. I wrote the first 3 that night. I, however, was a bit nervous to share it so I sent it to my friend Hillary and she said, "Take the step."

Over the last few days I have looked over the first 3 posts and added a few commas and quotations and still like what I wrote. I talked to a few other friends and they liked it too.

So today (December 1st) I sat at my computer and finished everything I had to say. I also added the widget.

Family and friends if you have been reading this blogg this is so you will know about the journey I'm on and have taken so that I can go to Africa. When I say. "I'm going to Africa" this is everything that is behind that simple sentence.

Please stay with me on this journey. Please think about how you can help me on this journey. If you can donate you can use the paypal widget that is on my blog.

 If you want to make a tax deductible donation, Mail me a check made out to THE FATHERS HOUSE in the memo put UGANDA or MISSION TRIP and you will receive a giving statement in time for taxes. It is important not to put my name on the check if you want a tax deductible donation.

If you can't donate to my trip financially please pray. Prayer is powerful. You see from my posts that I am already battling fear and doubt.

Thank you for caring about me and wanting to see what I care about. I hope that you continue to read my posts so you can stay on the journey with me.

I am blessed to have great friends and family,

Ashley

November 25th



  My first Uganda meeting and I'm late. I didn't mean to be late. I had planned on it all day but as I was getting ready, Audrey started to melt down. She didn't want me to go.

Let me just take this moment to say, "my kids are NOT excited about me going to Africa." They don't see or want to hear about my vision. They don't want to know what it means when mom is out of the house for 10 days. They have heard Uganda over the last month or so and now they are trying to ignore the word and the fact that I am going.

 I have talked to them about how letting me go will help other children. They like the idea but are not sold on it.

 I have bribed them with gifts - what kid doesn't want a true African drum? They are still unimpressed.

 Logan's 10th birthday is while I am gone. I tried to make that another reason I couldn't go but I knew quickly that I could make his birthday up and I couldn't make another trip up.  Logan is sad that I will be missing his birthday but we planned to have a party before I leave and I promised to bring him back something extra awesome from Africa. I think he is fine with me missing his birthday but not OK with missing me for 10 days.

 My kids not wanting me to go tears at my heart but ultimately I want my kids to see that giving is important. I want them to eventually go with me on missions trips. I know this is something they are going to have to learn (sharing, selfless giving). I also know they are lucky to have the dad they do. I know they will be fine but to convince them of that is not an easy task.

I get out the door from Audrey's performance (imagine a 6 year old holding your legs on her belly saying "Noooo don't go" as your walking out the door) that was her way of telling me how much she loves that I want to help children in Africa.

I steel myself against her tactics and I'm out the door and in the car. I put in the address to my GPS it says I can get there in 6 minutes, I have 7 before the meeting starts. Great! I think I will just make it. However my GPS LIED. It took me 15 minutes to get there and once I got there I realized it took me in a circle. UGH!!! WHY!!

So I'm in my car 10 minutes late telling myself to go in there (I've gone too far to chicken out now) my desire to actually be on Africa's soil wins and I knock on the door.

I walk in and everyone is passing around a picture of a child and I missed the story of why. - I missed something and I'm immediately deflated and bummed. This is not how I had envisioned the meeting going. I wanted to talk to people before I sat down. Now I am just the late one.

And it keeps getting better.....the seat I choose is 3 away from the leader. He asks us introduce ourselves and talk a little about why we are going to Africa. I'm in my head so much (about being late and tons of other things) that the man next to me is talking and I think' "oh NO, I'm next!" What do I have to say? Then I have a reaction that I have never had before- my heart starts racing and I can hear it beating. I start breathing quickly. I think, "is this what people feel like when they have stage fright?"

 My turn is now, I have done my best to listen to the man next to me and calm myself down but I still didn't have much time to think about what I was going to say. I ramble out my name and the journey that is most on my mind about me trying to say no to this trip and God always saying yes then I breath a sigh of relief when I'm done and someone else is speaking.

After my friend Amanda speaks (three people after me) I calm down decide to diagnose my feelings later and the rest of the meeting goes well. We receive information about how to dress, the customs of Uganda and some of the things we might be doing like visiting orphanages and schools. He also says this is a trip based on children we are going to love on them and show them how amazing they are.  Humm- sounds very close to my Africa brown baby vision. (Thank you God for showing me ONCE AGAIN that I am on the right path)

At the end we talk about financial deadlines. I'm ready for this - I'm trusting in God - I see that we need $1673.44 by February 26th. UGH!! Ok I wasn't ready for that number!

 How is this going to happen I ask myself. I take a breath and remind myself of all the times about this trip that I said it wouldn't work. I tell myself God is able. But because I am a person who likes to have a plan I also decide I'm going to make a lot of cupcakes. I even start brainstorming on where I can sell them. At $1.00 a cupcake I need to sell 1,674. This is not impossible I have until February 26th.

I end up walking out of the meeting very awkwardly. When I'm in my car I realise it feels like I staied a minute too long, I should have walked out with the crowd but I staied to talk to my friend and she stopped to talk to someone else. I was up walking out the door and didn't intend to have her stop, so I said a quick bye and walked out the door. 

I get home and I think --Social failure - what is going on with me I feel like I'm in 7th grade again. What just happened? all of this is so new to me I rarely second guess myself and today in a hour meeting I have second guessed my self more then I care to count. I usually know how to talk to people and I enjoy doing it. What is going on?

 The most immediate answer I come up with is this trip means more to me then anything I can think of. My dreams of being a wife & mother came true with a little effort and a lot of patience. I cant think of anything else in my life that I have wanted so much and that I'm so scared of at the same time. I think I am scared to fail.

 This is stupid because my spirit knows this trip is not about what I can do. I know my mission is to have faith and see what God does. But I am human and my human brain can get the best of me. The only way I know how to combat fear and doubt is to pray so I do and I feel better.

 I feel better until the next day when Amanda calls me and says, "what was wrong with you yesterday?" UGH!!! it was social failure. I tell her all about my fears and problems and decide I can only do better next time :-)