Funny Story

My daughter is still not convinced it is a good idea for me to be gone for 10 days. We are in the car and she tells me your not going! She also said, "I will hold on to your legs so you cant go!" I'm learning to wait a moment before I reply to her because if I don't I tend to respond with comments that are not becoming of a grown-up. :) I waited a moment and God gave me the story of Jonah and the whale. I go with God because His idea is more mature then the, "I'm going and you cant stop me" that I was thinking of using.

I explain that she WANTS mommy to go to Africa because mommy needs to follow what God told her to do. Then I ask, "Do you remember Johna and when he didn't listen to God?" God sent a whale (big fish) to gobble him up so he wouldn't drown when he was tossed of the ship. The ship he was on, trying to  run away from what God asked him to do. She didn't say much but it stopped her tears so I thought, "crisis adverted."

So Sunday (days later) she is talking to her friend about me going to Africa and she says, "mommy has to go to Africa or she will be eaten by a whale." it took me a few seconds to figure out how she came to that conclusion, then I remembered what I told her earlier in the week. I just smiled and agreed.

I don't think God will send a whale (me living about an hour from the sea) but I can see lots of whale moments that could make me pause on this trip or in life for that matter. I'm not interested in having to pause. I want to listen, obey and grow.

I am amazed by God every day. He does little things to encourage me to continue looking to Him and walking in faith. I feel better every time I take the step asked and it's taking less and less time for me to take the step.

Have you looked at my total? I HAVE ENOUGH MONEY FOR PLANE TICKETS!!!!!
My deadline was February 26th for the $1673.00 and I'm over my goal and well on my way to the next goal!! ($800.00 by March 22nd) It is ALL God. (I know my tally says I need everything by February but when I set it up I didn't have an option to choose two dates.) 

Money has been coming in the mail, the flood gates are opened. My family has been (and is) generous, loving, supportive and giving. They want to support me to go on this trip.

I just want to say THANK YOU!!!! to my family and friends who have made this overwhelming response on my behalf. It is a humbling place to be in. My family and friends are saying, we believe in you so much we want to help you get to your goal and it is our pleasure to do this for you.

Its' something I "know" but when I see the money coming in the mail and the letters of support written, it puts me in a "WOW" place. It is like my leader said, God will provide and He has. It is easy at this point to know I will get the other 600.00 for this trip. I have No fear in the funding department but don't ask where the fear is now.....that's another post :)

I delight in~ the being taught to fly moments.



1/2 way to the Goal!!

First things first. I have $850.00 (just got money in the mail) $1,050.00 for my trip! Some of the funds came from family members supporting me, some I've saved since November and the rest I got for Christmas and my birthday.

Today I have almost half of the money and I see the end. I have faith that God will provide and in April I will be stepping on a plane with my group and headed to Uganda. This is a HUGE mile stone in this journey because just a few weeks ago I was ready to give up and run from this trip.

I have tried to write this three different times. I don't want to lull you to sleep with all of the details but there are some important details I cant leave out. So lets start with when and why I wanted to run.

When I was visiting family in LA. I was happily telling my family about the trip but then I got scared. My family was supportive and excited and that meant I was adding to my list of people who knew about the trip. I found myself trying to simplify the trip and making sure they knew I'm not "officially" going yet. What I started thinking is-How am I going to tell them I didn't go because I didn't get the funding. I would have to admit that I failed - I don't do that well or maybe at all....Have I ever admitted that I failed Humm- thats a question to ponder..

Why did I want to run from the trip? In short walking in faith was too hard and I didn't want to fail. I was walking by sight with my rules not Gods. I felt that I was not worthy enough, talented enough, etc. What if I ...disappoint someone? What if I.... am not equipped to go on this missions trip? What if I.....don't have the funding. What if...someone donated money and I didn't get full funding to go?

This is the mantra that starts to play in my head: Where is the nearest off ramp because I am done with this freeway. I have heard what you have in store for me God BUT I am not strong enough to do this now. I know you said , "I need faith" but I don't have it and I don't want to know how to get it. Give me more time, I'll do it later- just let me off this ride!

I knew when I sad, "yes" to this trip God was going to grow my Faith. What I heard was,"I'm going to teach you how to walk by faith." My answer to that was something like, "sure teach me, I could use some more faith how hard can it be?"

Answer: HARD, scary, it makes me doubtful and it made me ready to run.

Has anyone seen Runaway Bride? I loved that movie! As I started to write this Julia Roberts popped into my head along with the song -Ready to Run by the Dixie Chicks...That was a bunny trail but now you may have the song in your head too.

I'm not like Julia Roberts I don't wait until I'm walking down the isle to run. I run "tastefully."
 (I say that like it is a better option, sarcastically) I run early only because I am a master at running. 
             First, I will (and did) talk to a few people who will agree with me and then I wont feel guilty or bad.
            Second, I will think of "logical" and "sensible"reasons why I cant go (I had a list.)
            Last, I will easily say good bye of the task/idea/dream by telling myself I will do it later. For this trip I said "you will go next year and it will be better because you will have more time."

BUT there was a few road blocks set up on my off ramp. The first was my husband who said you are going! You want to go and you will go. I replied, you are supposed to let me give up. I was SURE he would say, "stay!" (Remember he has both of the kids for 10 days.) My husband supporting me (again) planted a little (maybe I can do it seed) 

 I agreed I would talk to my leader the next day at our meeting BEFORE I "tactfully" ran away. We had our monthly meeting and the entire time I am wrestling with the want and dream of going and (what I have realized is) fear. The meeting ends and I talk to my leader about my very calculated and logical reasons why I cant go. Do you know what he said? You are going! God will provide. Road block number two. Then he went on to tell me a story about how God provided for him on a missions trip but he had to wait!

Wait on who - oh you know - GOD!

He also said my journey may not be just in Africa it may be me getting to Africa. Humm- I think I knew that and was TRYING to run from that.

In the end of Runaway Bride Julia Roberts finally makes it down the isle to say, "I do." 
I will make it to Africa. I might have to wait until I'm walking down the isle. I might even have to walk up to the groom but God will provide.

What this whole emotional mess showed me is that I STILL take back things that I give to God. I've gotten good and giving him most things but the things that require stronger faith and patience. Things that make me wait for the answer,things that I really want, I take and make a plan of my own. THIS is why God told me he is going to teach me how to walk in faith. I feel like a big weight has been lifted off my shoulders since I tried to walk away and the best thing is my fear is in the light and I'm talking about it instead of pretending that I'm not feeling it. I have asked people to pray for me and I feel the peace about this trip again.

Ahhh. God is good!

I delight in the ~ God waits for my tantrums to stop and still says move~ part of life.